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Channeling a Non-American

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Outside St. Peter’s Basilica

As I set off to see the Sistine Chapel and St. Peter’s Basilica yesterday, I was wearing a long, black halter dress and had my hair pulled up in a bun. 

A guy sitting on the sidewalk yelled out to me, “Senor!” As I kept walking, I thought, that’s odd – why would he say that? He said it once more and then as I was about 100 yards away, he yelled, “Senora! Senora! Senora!” It seemed he thought I was Spanish, and realized he had the wrong gender with the word he used. 

Curious. 

Later in the day I asked for the “bagni” (how it was written on the door at school), and the security guard replied, “Bagno?” To me, that sounded like the Spanish word, which left me thinking, do I have it wrong?

Am I channeling my inner-Spaniard today? 

That evening I ordered white wine… I said, “Vorrei vino blanco, per favore.” The server replied back by saying “Bianco?” Now it seemed to be a conspiracy! I had been saying blanco for almost two weeks and just realized in Italian class today that white in Italian is, indeed, bianco. 

Sistine Chapel Dome

Oops! 

I realize these confusions happened for various reasons. 

But what sticks with me, is this might be the first time I’ve traveled abroad and I wasn’t assumed to be American. For a moment I felt a sense of relief about that, but not because I’m not proud to be American. 

I am proud, but there’s something to be said for being stripped of that stereotype (if only for a moment… or a day).

Travel – My Love!

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INSTANT SATISFACTION 

We learn every time we travel. We learn about ourselves and we certainly learn about differences in cultures—both how American culture is different from others and how countries are different from each other. I don’t think I manage to embarrass myself all that often in my travels, but there is one particular situation which has caught me off-guard here in Cagli, Italy. 

I’m on a study abroad program for graduate school in this small mountain town in the Appennini Mountains, between Florence and the Adriatic Sea. This is my fourth time in Italy and it’s the first time I have had any issue with paying… As an American, if I am at a café without table service, I’m used to ordering my food or drink, paying, and taking it to a table. Here in Cagli, you do so at the counter and they bring your goodies out to you. Somehow everyone manages to remember what you have ordered, on a sort of honor system, and you pay when you are finished. 

Despite knowing this, each time I order I have my money out and ready to go. For the most part, this befuddles the person behind the counter. They speak a bunch of Italian to me which I’m not able to understand and I either end up paying right then (typically) or I put my cash away and sit. Is it an instant satisfaction we American’s have culturally? Is it about wanting to just take care of it right then because we will eat/drink and quickly move on to the next thing? The Italians take the time to eat while there, taking in the morning and visiting with their friends and neighbors. 

Of course, part of me wishes they would just do it my way, but I’d rather not make them uncomfortable! And I sure would like to “fit in” as much as that is possible in this little town (they certainly know who the Gonzaga Americans are), so I am adjusting. 

It will assuredly take some reminding from my new friends, but I will consciously not expect that instant satisfaction. It’s only day two here in this village, so I have time to make up for it!

Today Sucked. Tomorrow Won’t. Right?

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As I sit and watch a hazy, but still beautiful sunset in San Diego this evening, I can’t help but think of my brother Terry. He would have turned 53 today if he was still with us, and would have loved this. In fact, I’m pretty sure he would have sat on my roof for hours on end if given the opportunity. 

He was an artist and very much appreciated the little pretty things in life… and a good tan– let’s be honest! I’m pretty sure he is the only person in northern California who could keep a natural tan year-round. It makes me sad that he never came here. That we were never in “that place” in the last years of his life. 

I sure do miss him and especially more on his Birthday and the anniversary of his death. But what saddens me even more, I think, is the thought of how much more loss I’ll have in my life. This is the downside, I suppose, to being the youngest in such a large family and having so many friends… I cherish the time I get to spend with them, but I am also super bummed out at how busy we all are. Often too busy to just pick up the phone and have a real conversation like we used to. Facebook is absolutely a blessing and a curse. We sure aren’t “talking” like we should.

This seems like a pretty morose post, I know. Today really did suck on so many levels. But I know tomorrow will be better… And hopefully it will bring real, live conversations with the people in my life. The truth is–as terrible as it is–that we should not live or die with regrets and none of us knows how long we have. 

I’ve said it before and I will say it again – LIFE IS SHORT! Pick up the phone. Tell the people in your life that you love them. And do your very best to live life without regrets.

2013 – The Year of More

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I think there’s a difference between being optimistic and when it’s something you really feel in your bones to be true. I truly feel deep in my bones that 2013 is going to be a special year in many ways.

Every new year brings with it re-assessment of the previous year and thoughts about what we want from the year ahead. This year was no different in that respect, but I truly feel like I’ll meet my goals for 2013. Resolutions have a bad rap because most people are no longer sticking to them within a matter of weeks (as evidenced by how un-busy the gym becomes by the end of February). Because of this, I chose this year to focus on three areas: my heart, my soul, and my health – I will do more of what’s GOOD for me in each of these areas. I even took it a step further and laid out things to tackle every month that relate to these three areas. Goals you can see are more attainable.

I’ve been told by many that “romance comes when you least expect it”… implying that you can actually try too hard to find the person who is right for you. So, sitting on my couch on Friday night – that’s gonna work? I don’t think so! I will make a concerted effort to put myself in situations where I can meet people that might just be right for me. So many things are food for the soul – spending time with good friends, going to church, reading more and watching TV just a bit less, self-reflection, and so on. And, I’ve done a pretty good job over the past 18 months of eating well and exercising regularly, but I can do more—I can do so much better—and mixing it up is a good thing.

SO – I wrote a list of things I want to do more of… actually speak to friends and family more (vs. email, text, FB), draw more, sing more, sleep more, WRITE more 🙂, meet more new people, save more, etc. Just about every item on the list could be placed in the heart, soul, or health category, so I’ve set reasonable—and attainable—goals month-by-month! Part of the reason people fail at their resolutions or other goals they set for themselves is because they seem too big. If you break them down and think about things bit by bit, it becomes easier.

As my friend Sean Croxton shared in his blog today, those little things are also easy to NOT do. But, the little things will add up over time, so if you think of it in terms of laying bricks, every step you take matters and will add up, all making a difference.

My birthday is on the 13th and this is the only year of ’13 I will experience – bonus year! Will this year be a platinum birthday? I intend to make the most of the year… Making each day count, which includes taking those days to do NOTHING! Sleeping in and lazy days are not only earned, but good for the heart, soul, and health!

Cheers to all of us for an amazingly lucky ’13.

MORE Change… The Only Constant in Life

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I’m realizing more and more that the only thing constant in life is change. And I think that’s a good thing!

People have their opinions about employment and how long you should keep a job… It’s funny because I think some of that perspective comes from “the olden days” and perhaps some of it also comes from a place of envy because they might be “stuck” where they are. I would never be a proponent of job-hopping, but I’m even less a proponent of sticking with something just because “you should” according to others.

I’ve written before about following your heart. It might not end up being the path you thought it was going to be, but at least you tried, and you won’t have to wonder “what if?” I think we do make some decisions based on what we hope the end result will be and I am guilty of that for sure. Sometimes my gut and my heart don’t totally agree, but I don’t realize it until later. The heart typically wins!

Well, “what if” an opportunity presented itself where you could combine a philanthropic effort that you have already been involved with (as a volunteer) with your professional experience in a job (as a paid employee)? Sounds pretty amazing, right? Two worlds colliding! I’ve often thought about working in the non-profit world… Of course, knowing it is still a job, with its own set of challenges, but doing something in my work that affects the greater good has always sounded appealing.

I’m a Delta Gamma(yes, I said “am” and not “was” because we make a lifetime commitment!) and our philanthropy is “Service for Sight” – supporting vision-related charities and organizations with our same mission to help those who are blind or visually impaired through services or research.  Each collegiate and alumnae chapter throughout North America and the U.K. is dedicated to supporting this through service and fundraising efforts. 
In 2005, together with my San Diego Delta Gamma alumnae chapter, I founded a charity event called Race for Sight, with the beneficiaries being our DG Foundation, San Diego Braille Institute, and The Vision of Children Foundation here in San Diego.

Well, my worlds have collided because the founders of Vision of Children (VOC) have asked me to be their Director of Development & Communications… And I have accepted! I couldn’t turn down the chance to couple an outside interest (with such profound meaning) with my professional experience. VOC funds research with the goal of eradicating genetic eye diseases and vision disorders. Through the research they’ve helped fund, there has been successful gene replacement and there are people who were born blind who now have vision—pretty amazing stuff!

They’re looking to me to help them step-up their numbers and outreach so we can get to the end result—curing these diseases—FASTER. And I can’t wait to get started. It really was amazing timing, despite having been at my current position for just about six months… I had to go for it!

I read an article recently that said “passion is the secret ingredient to success.” Are you passionate about what you’re doing? Why not? Take some time and write down those things you are passionate about—what you would do even if you didn’t get paid for it—and then seek out ways to follow that passion.

So, more change… Bring it on!

Life’s Short. Some Clarity on Loss… and Achieving Fulfillment

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I have written about loss in the past, but with the great losses of people from this world in the past week, I feel compelled to circle back.

Life is short. That’s pretty cliché, right? But it is. In the past two months a friend of a friend who I had recently met died after “routine” shoulder surgery at the age of 50. Last Thursday, a friend of mine died at the age of 28… And the cause is unknown. 28?! Insanity. And then yesterday one of the greatest innovators of our time, Steve Jobs, died much too young. Mark, Linda, and Steve still had so much to give this world and to experience themselves and now they are gone.

So I feel compelled to do something – to live a life so full that I will never look back and say “I shoulda,” “I coulda,”… or “If only…” I want to live my life in earnest and make every effort to only do those things that bring me fulfillment. People questioned my decision to leave a job recently before I had found another one. And it is exactly for these reasons that I had to. Like Steve Jobs has said, life is too short to have what you do for a living be anything less than what you want to do. You might think it’s a luxury to be able to take the steps to do that for yourself, but I think it is short-sighted and maybe even a bit lazy not to. Do what you need to do to make those connections, to get the education or training you need, and to make a move to work that will not only satisfy you, but may even fill your soul. Of course we can and absolutely SHOULD get contentment and satisfaction through all other parts of our lives, like volunteering and spending quality time with loved ones, but we spend so much time working that it should be something we enjoy.

It’s also the 2-year anniversary of the death of a dear childhood friend and almost one year since I lost my brother Terry… My heart truly aches, but these anniversaries, coupled with these other recent losses, are also fuel that drives me to continue to follow my heart and do what I want (and need) to do to achieve true fulfillment in my life. Loss is incredibly hard, as the families and friends of Mark, Linda, and Steve are experiencing right now. But we are so lucky to have known them and to have had them as part of our lives in any way.

The bottom line is that it’s time to follow your heart. As Steve Jobs also said: “There is no reason not to follow your heart.” Don’t let fear hold you back, especially with keeping in mind how truly short life can be. Let’s use these losses as fuel to live better lives – lives that aren’t just “better” on the surface, but deep down where it counts.

A New Era of “The Hunt”

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I could be considered a professional job hunter. After a little more than seven months into my first job out of college I was laid-off. The company had staffed-up because they had two huge contracts they were guaranteed… Or so they thought. It was an early life lesson and one I would become intimately familiar with!  About eight weeks after the layoff a call came in from my previous employer–low and behold, there was still work to be done and they wanted to hire me back on contract. Me: “You want to pay me how much? That’s about twice what I was making before…” Him: “Yes, that’s right. We would like to hire you for a three month contract.” Me: “Um, let me thinkaboutitok!” (yes, that is one word). I did it and then ended up getting my contract renewed a couple of times and after eight months was offered another full-time position, but I was miserable in that department and they didn’t want to pay me enough, so I opted to head out on my own, knowing I would make more elsewhere and I was right. But, it took about three months, which seemed like an eternity. I would have one more stretch like that after another layoff, but it was “the big downturn” (or “dot-com bomb”) of 2001 that was extremely difficult… 2.5 years of some un-employment and a lot of under-employment. I made due by ramping up a Web design business and various other jobs, but it was extremely difficult and I interviewed and applied and interviewed and applied until one of my many part-time gigs turned out to be an extremely cool job that became full-time and is what led me into the events/hospitality/meetings industry. That job came about through someone I met at a networking event (this will come up again later). I do believe all of the difficulty is part of the journey, but it is quite difficult to see when you are going through it.

I realize that was a long intro to lead into the meat of this blog post, but I think some perspective of what got me here will help as I explain why I think it is such a phenomenal time to be job hunting, despite the current state of the economy. And on that note, by the way, the sky is not falling! If everyone would just relax and not feed into the media hype, all would be alright. I recently stumbled on my first resume from 1994… It was printed on my dot matrix printer and had been created on my Mac LC (which was state-of-the-art in 1990!). It is that resume that I paid to mail and fax to each potential employer after I found the potential positions in the Sunday newspaper “want ads.” It was a little more labor intensive without the Internet, but we also were not competing with 500+ other applicants… And you were pretty much guaranteed that your resume would at least be looked at. It is a different world now to be sure. You need to get a little creative.

What we have now is not just the Internet, but an amazing mix of traditional and social media that not only enables us to find available jobs more easily (and immediately), but we are now connected to just about anyone we have *ever* worked with! What a tremendous opportunity to leverage those relationships we have created over the years. It is well known that the “best” way to find a job is by referral. The challenge there can be that you might put too much stock in that particular person’s “clout” at their company and you also have NO idea who else is up for the job (remember, internal candidates come first). It is frustrating when you get referred by a friend and then you hear nothing, but keep in mind that it is very likely that it has nothing to do with you. I met recently with someone who thought I must be able to give her some advice because I have appeared to be having very good luck during my current job search (this one was “self-inflicted”, by the way!). What I learned was not that she wasn’t doing it right, but that there was just more she could be doing. The biggest missing piece was the networking within her industry—nothing beats that face-to-face communication and we have to remember that we should always be doing it (not just when we are in need of work).

Everyone’s journey is different and this one was easier for me for a few reasons: networking, social media, and good follow-up. I have been a serial networker for the past eight years or so. After being referred to a job by someone I met at a San Diego Chamber of Commerce networking event, I was sold. Each person I have met along the way could connect me to my next job and with the emergence of social media that becomes even more prevalent. I have said this a couple of times in the past week: “If you have ever had a job, you need to be on LinkedIn.” By my estimation, if you are not on there, it’s almost as though you don’t exist. I am now adding every person on LinkedIn from whom I have received a business card (as I meet them) and that allows me not only to connect with them personally, but to potentially connect to those they are connected to (and, almost as importantly, to *stay* connected when they move on to a new job). It’s this amazing Web with a reach totally unlike anything we could ever do for ourselves alone. This social media avenue also enabled me to post as my current job that I was looking for a new opportunity. People who know me saw that and asked for my resume so that they could pass it along to people they thought might want to hire me. Can you imagine – other people doing your thumping for you? Amazingly cool! I also posted it on Facebook and it enabled me to not only get help in my search, but to then “tease” the new position I ultimately accepted. Being in business development and having friends and connections on Facebook and LinkedIn enabled me to let everyone know once I took on a new position, which lets them know I where I am going and also opens up the opportunity for us to potentially do business together.
Today was my first day working for Swank Audio Visuals (www.swankav.com) in their Event Services (staging) division as the Director of Business Development. I was able to pursue several opportunities during this search and take my time. I haven’t felt like I’ve had that luxury in the past and most people who are looking don’t, but do it if you can! Work your networks both in person and online by attending industry events and connect with people from every company you have worked for. LinkedIn is the hottest job board right now, and also provides an opportunity for you to join groups related to your industry and to begin networking online. Join in on the discussions and post questions related to your industry. By doing that, you will show that you provide value and you will open yourself up to opportunities you might not have known about otherwise.  And, finally, be sure to always follow-up with those people who have asked questions of you and those people who have reached out to help you.
Happy hunting and please feel free to reach out to me if you need any tips or help!

The Power of Moving You

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Written 7/30/11

This weekend kicked off last night with what was to be a jam-packed schedule. I was sort of regretting planning so much, but at the same time knowing I wanted to do it all to see all the people I wanted to see. Going to Yoga in the park (for charity) this morning is how I started my day today and I’m so glad I did! I believe it is true that things in motion stay in motion… And this is especially true when in the mode of exercising. The longer you don’t do it, the easier it is to NOT exercise and to make excuses to keep away (trust me, I have plenty of experience in this). The thing about it, is that the benefits are so much greater than dropping a size.

I’m sure there were people who doubted whether I would actually work out for 20 days straight before my vacation, but I absolutely did. And the benefits of it far exceeded the weight loss I was hoping for. Those three weeks were also very stressful because of work and graduate school, so it seemed fitting it in would be even harder… But it really made it easier! And I found myself wishing I could work out for longer periods of time. It became my escape and it made dealing with everything else a bit easier – it helped me to focus on everything else. Even if I only had 30-minutes, it made a difference and I think I jump-started my metabolism in the process. And while on vacation I felt jealous when I saw people running! I never thought that would be me… I even got two runs in while in Croatia.

During yoga this morning I found myself reflecting a little bit on those things that I’m struggling with right now, but my thoughts quickly turned to gratitude. I have amazing friends and family and I do believe that everything will work itself out. I am also blessed with the ability to move, which is not only good for my body, but for my soul as well! The next time you are making excuses to not get moving — in any way, any where you are able — think about those who aren’t as fortunate… And about how much better you will feel after you do! Keep doing it and you will want to continue to keep in motion, I promise.

Long Time No Blog

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Wow, the months have really gotten away from me! I have written a couple of times, but they either weren’t suited to post or I didn’t have a chance to post for a while and then what I wrote seemed too stale-the moment had passed. Interesting that my last posted blog talked about me getting into graduate school… Correlation, perhaps?! I have recently started a new job, finished my second 8 week course, and completed a 2 week European adventure! Two out of the three have not met expectations, which has led me to reflect quite a bit about expectations.

Funny how being on”holiday” – especially when traveling alone – can cause you to do some serious soul-searching. And as I approach my 40th birthday, I’m thinking a lot more about what is most important and what I want most out of life. I certainly have not figured it all out, but I do think I made some progress!

This I know: Some people are blessed with God-given talents to be professional athletes or singers/musicians/actors/teachers/nurses, etc. and are able to make a living doing what they feel they are meant to do – and they could not imagine doing anything else. They have not had to question it because it is part of the fabric of their being. Others I think are able to get there by trial and error, ultimately finding that sweet spot. And then there are those of us who feel we know what we want to do, but for one reason or another, life takes us in different directions. There are also those people who just do their job… They punch a clock (whether literally or figuratively) and though they might not be terribly happy, they keep on keeping on perhaps out of fear that they won’t be successful doing something else or because they have become comfortable or complacent. Life has taken me in different directions than I ever expected and I do believe it is all for a purpose, but what is that purpose exactly?

This I think: Hard work pays off. And when that hard work is also a labor of love, it is a true blessing. Some might think I will never be content in a job, but this is absolutely not so. I have had tremendous contentment in each job I have held (of course, not at all times!). I always work very hard and I thrive in an environment where expectations are clear, the work is rewarding, where I can make a difference, my work is appreciated, and where I am also able to take time off to disconnect and re-charge. Situations in which I am set up to fail are difficult and cause me to reflect about whether that environment is right for me. My quality of life is important to me, so if most of these conditions aren’t there, it is time to re-evaluate. Are these things too much to ask for? Am I expecting too much?

This I hope: That my life will ultimately be about so much more than work. The fact that it has appeared concentrated that way is because I *could* put as much time and energy into work as I have. I do want to have a family and I ultimately hope for a purpose greater than myself… As people who know me have noticed, I have also made it a priority to: volunteer, to challenge myself personally (grad school) and physically (1/2 marathons, etc.), to travel whenever possible… This is not a substitute for having a family or someone significant in my life, but the way I am choosing to fulfill my life as it is. I expected that my life would be different than it is as I approach a milestone birthday, but should we really expect our lives to be a certain way?  People have said that you get the life you make for yourself and I believe this to be true – in part. I believe some people are truly lucky… Some people make bad choices… And some are going the course, taking opportunities that come their way and figuring it out as they go.

Ultimately: I want to make the right choices for ME and I have to trust my gut… Even if my gut was wrong the last time I did. We have to live with ourselves every day and we owe it to ourselves to do what we feel is right and not what others think is right. I still don’t know what my “ultimate” path is in my personal or professional life. Perhaps there isn’t an “end prize” or an absolute destination… It truly could be ALL about the journey and I owe it to myself to enjoy it all every step of the way!! And I EXPECT that I will.

Post-note: It turns out the  Oprah magazine for August is about intuition and expectations. The article on pg. 112 entitled “The Voice Within,” completely reaffirmed what I wrote here!! Great quote from it: “Your intuition is the wisest adviser you’ll ever have.” So true — Listen to it!!

Be Grateful for What you Wish for

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In light of my stress levels as of late, I was tempted to name this blog entry the proverbial “be careful what you wish for”, but in truth I am still grateful, despite the stress. I am 2.5 weeks in to my graduate program through Gonzaga and 1.5 weeks into being a Big Sis… And in the middle of an extremely stressful and busy time at work, but I am still grateful!

I have been distracted by March Madness and I’ve had more social time in the past 10 days than is normal for me, but I haven’t said no to anything. It is partially the “distractions” from schoolwork that are making me more stressed than I would like to be, but I actually think it has helped to reduce my stress levels overall! Time with friends and family is sooooo important for our mental well-being and I often complain that I don’t get enough time with them, so how could I say no? If you know anything about your “RealAge” (go to www.realage.com), you know that the more close relationships you have, the more enriched your life will be and, theoretically, you will live longer! I sure like that notion and I believe it to be true.

Interestingly, my time and communication with these people is also helping to define my viewpoints about communication (thus, contributing to my thoughts/ideas within my current Communications Theory class!). But I truly need to become a master at scheduling my days… This is all possible and wonderful with proper time management! This is what I told people who were wondering how I could do it all–that a busy person actually accomplishes more than a person with little to do!

I have just completed my second conference In four weeks and I’m headed home for three days before I head out again for two more events and as many destinations for another eight days. But while I am home? I’m gong to attend my nephew’s Bootcamp graduation in SD, get my hair done, have a visit with my “little”, head out for my nephew’s birthday (same nephew), and run a 5K before I head to Vegas for one of the most significant events my company has ever done (because of the technology and installation and not the price).

As I fly home to San Diego, thinking about the two papers I have to write by tomorrow and Sunday… I’m a little bit stressed, but I will get it done! I have faith. Please think the good thought for me!:-)