Wow, the months have really gotten away from me! I have written a couple of times, but they either weren’t suited to post or I didn’t have a chance to post for a while and then what I wrote seemed too stale-the moment had passed. Interesting that my last posted blog talked about me getting into graduate school… Correlation, perhaps?! I have recently started a new job, finished my second 8 week course, and completed a 2 week European adventure! Two out of the three have not met expectations, which has led me to reflect quite a bit about expectations.

Funny how being on”holiday” – especially when traveling alone – can cause you to do some serious soul-searching. And as I approach my 40th birthday, I’m thinking a lot more about what is most important and what I want most out of life. I certainly have not figured it all out, but I do think I made some progress!

This I know: Some people are blessed with God-given talents to be professional athletes or singers/musicians/actors/teachers/nurses, etc. and are able to make a living doing what they feel they are meant to do – and they could not imagine doing anything else. They have not had to question it because it is part of the fabric of their being. Others I think are able to get there by trial and error, ultimately finding that sweet spot. And then there are those of us who feel we know what we want to do, but for one reason or another, life takes us in different directions. There are also those people who just do their job… They punch a clock (whether literally or figuratively) and though they might not be terribly happy, they keep on keeping on perhaps out of fear that they won’t be successful doing something else or because they have become comfortable or complacent. Life has taken me in different directions than I ever expected and I do believe it is all for a purpose, but what is that purpose exactly?

This I think: Hard work pays off. And when that hard work is also a labor of love, it is a true blessing. Some might think I will never be content in a job, but this is absolutely not so. I have had tremendous contentment in each job I have held (of course, not at all times!). I always work very hard and I thrive in an environment where expectations are clear, the work is rewarding, where I can make a difference, my work is appreciated, and where I am also able to take time off to disconnect and re-charge. Situations in which I am set up to fail are difficult and cause me to reflect about whether that environment is right for me. My quality of life is important to me, so if most of these conditions aren’t there, it is time to re-evaluate. Are these things too much to ask for? Am I expecting too much?

This I hope: That my life will ultimately be about so much more than work. The fact that it has appeared concentrated that way is because I *could* put as much time and energy into work as I have. I do want to have a family and I ultimately hope for a purpose greater than myself… As people who know me have noticed, I have also made it a priority to: volunteer, to challenge myself personally (grad school) and physically (1/2 marathons, etc.), to travel whenever possible… This is not a substitute for having a family or someone significant in my life, but the way I am choosing to fulfill my life as it is. I expected that my life would be different than it is as I approach a milestone birthday, but should we really expect our lives to be a certain way?  People have said that you get the life you make for yourself and I believe this to be true – in part. I believe some people are truly lucky… Some people make bad choices… And some are going the course, taking opportunities that come their way and figuring it out as they go.

Ultimately: I want to make the right choices for ME and I have to trust my gut… Even if my gut was wrong the last time I did. We have to live with ourselves every day and we owe it to ourselves to do what we feel is right and not what others think is right. I still don’t know what my “ultimate” path is in my personal or professional life. Perhaps there isn’t an “end prize” or an absolute destination… It truly could be ALL about the journey and I owe it to myself to enjoy it all every step of the way!! And I EXPECT that I will.

Post-note: It turns out the  Oprah magazine for August is about intuition and expectations. The article on pg. 112 entitled “The Voice Within,” completely reaffirmed what I wrote here!! Great quote from it: “Your intuition is the wisest adviser you’ll ever have.” So true — Listen to it!!

In light of my stress levels as of late, I was tempted to name this blog entry the proverbial “be careful what you wish for”, but in truth I am still grateful, despite the stress. I am 2.5 weeks in to my graduate program through Gonzaga and 1.5 weeks into being a Big Sis… And in the middle of an extremely stressful and busy time at work, but I am still grateful!

I have been distracted by March Madness and I’ve had more social time in the past 10 days than is normal for me, but I haven’t said no to anything. It is partially the “distractions” from schoolwork that are making me more stressed than I would like to be, but I actually think it has helped to reduce my stress levels overall! Time with friends and family is sooooo important for our mental well-being and I often complain that I don’t get enough time with them, so how could I say no? If you know anything about your “RealAge” (go to www.realage.com), you know that the more close relationships you have, the more enriched your life will be and, theoretically, you will live longer! I sure like that notion and I believe it to be true.

Interestingly, my time and communication with these people is also helping to define my viewpoints about communication (thus, contributing to my thoughts/ideas within my current Communications Theory class!). But I truly need to become a master at scheduling my days… This is all possible and wonderful with proper time management! This is what I told people who were wondering how I could do it all–that a busy person actually accomplishes more than a person with little to do!

I have just completed my second conference In four weeks and I’m headed home for three days before I head out again for two more events and as many destinations for another eight days. But while I am home? I’m gong to attend my nephew’s Bootcamp graduation in SD, get my hair done, have a visit with my “little”, head out for my nephew’s birthday (same nephew), and run a 5K before I head to Vegas for one of the most significant events my company has ever done (because of the technology and installation and not the price).

As I fly home to San Diego, thinking about the two papers I have to write by tomorrow and Sunday… I’m a little bit stressed, but I will get it done! I have faith. Please think the good thought for me!:-)
    

As I started this blog I didn’t give myself expectations of how often I would write. I decided at some point (after I felt bad about not writing for a while) that I should write only when truly inspired… And the days of feeling guilty about something like that should be over. After all, I want to keep the interest of those who might be reading (hoping some people would read it!) and in some small way I suppose I want to make a difference with what I write. That might sound a bit obvious, but it only recently occurred to me that this is part of my motivation for writing.

As I study for the entrance exam for the master’s program I’m applying for (the Miller Analogies Test, or MAT), I’m revisiting names of authors I read — or should have read! — as an English major, and I’m reminded that being able to write is a gift. I wonder if it’s a gift I neglected for far too long or if I returned to it just in time within my journey? This blog has been a professional and personal journey so far and I believe it re-stoked my desire to go back to school. It has done that, but it has also done so much more…
 
With hesitation, I let my Mom read the entry I wrote right after my brother Terry passed away in October. I knew it would make her cry. It did. But then she said “Well, maybe it will help someone”, which was something I hadn’t thought a lot about. I wrote it because it was cathartic for me and it was a way to let those people close to me know about something my family and I were going through. I got an email from a close friend this past week who told me that my story about Terry has helped her in her recovery as an alcoholic… Wow. Of course, that made me cry! She said she hoped in some small way that that would give me and my family some peace that his loss was not in vein. It absolutely does.

I’m so excited when I’m inspired to write. And if what I write and my experiences have a positive effect on just one person, then I am truly blessed. I am blessed to have become a writer… Again. I truly hope and pray that I am accepted into this Master of Arts in Communication & Leadership program because I do believe it will help me continue to learn and grow and to make a difference.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to become a Big Sister through the Big Brother/Big Sister program! I put it on my bucket list as something I’d like to do before I turn 40 and time is waning… I think that is really the theme of my bucket list – if not now, when? And WHY NOT now?!

So I headed to the SD BBBS orientation today thinking it is something I really want to do, but that I need to be realistic about whether I have the time and whether it would truly benefit myself and a “Little” given my schedule and the fact that I’m in the process of applying for graduate school. In fact, last night I literally wrote out a list of all the “non-work” and “non-sleep” hours each day to see how much time I would have to dedicate to a “Little” and grad school. Truth be told, there are a lot of hours in a week! If I manage my time well, there is absolutely no reason why I couldn’t do it. I learned today that you have to commit to a minimum of one year and each month we should plan on 2-4 visits that are 2-5 hours each–I really *can* do that!

Today at the orientation we were asked to reflect on what it means to be a mentor and who had been our mentors as we were growing up. I’ll be honest that I could not pluck a name out right away. And the more I think about it, I’ve had people who have influenced me in my life, but I still can’t point to one person who influenced my path in life in a way that a mentor does. I had great teachers in college who taught me how to think critically and helped me to become a better writer, but I can’t really say they were “mentors.” And I’ve had plenty of great bosses over the years who have taught me a TON and have served as guides along my professional path, but I feel I’m still trying to determine where I’m meant to be professionally.

As the youngest of nine children, I think I’ve always wanted to be the “big” of someone! And I’ve been fortunate that my volunteering for Delta Gamma over the years has afforded me the opportunity to give back and be an example to the collegians from my chapter and to other alumnae in San Diego and throughout our region. I’ve become a leader because of these Delta Gamma volunteer experiences and they can’t be matched, but I believe now is the time to mentor someone younger and try to be an example to them like I wish I had growing up. Like anything else in life, you get out of things what you put into them and I’m so excited to become a Big Sister through the San Diego Big Brother/Big Sister program! I’m certain that I’ll get as much, if not more, out of it as my “Little” does.

What a blessing to be able to travel to DC as often as I do. Thankfully, AV Concepts (www.avconcepts.com) understands how bountiful the opportunities are in DC and how many great relationships I’ve established in the more than two years I’ve been traveling there regularly. After realizing I wasn’t going to move there, my boss agreed to a compromise of going there once per month. Now, it hasn’t been that frequent because that would be impossible with all of the other travel I’m doing between actual shows, site visits, industry conferences, etc… I’m on the road about 50% of the time as it is. But I have been to DC 15 times in the last 26 months and I’m so grateful! Tuesday night was the perfect example… I went to a Potomac Meeting Professionals International (www.pmpi.org) recruitment event and was able to both reconnect with people I hadn’t seen in a while and get to know some people better whom I hadn’t spent much time with! Even better? I was able to continue the evening and go out to dinner with four people – three of which are potential clients!! It would be tremendous to get all three as clients, but even if I don’t… I know they are friends. I’m reading a book right now called It’s Not Just Who You Know by Tommy Spaulding and he talks about the concept of Return on Relationship or ROR. Your ROR may come when you expect it, but it could come when you least expect it. There is so much value in making connections with every person you interact with because of that potential for the ROR. Getting a referral from someone who didn’t hire me is a perfect example of that (that happened recently with one of my DC contacts). The more people I meet, the more valuable connections I will make and this will potentially come back to me in the form of new business! Lord knows I love to win, but I’m learning there can absolutely be positives even when I don’t get a “W”.

Of course, it’s not earth shattering news that business is all about relationships, but I think it’s nice to be reminded and this concept of ROR is a fantastic one. I’m so fortunate to have built the relationships I have over the years and those in DC are especially great— all of these connections make me feel like I’m “home” when I’m there. I might not be happy with my sales results as of late (despite being ahead of goal for the 2nd year in-a-row with AVC), but I need to remember that all the work I’ve been doing, and those connections that I’ve made, have established a foundation that WILL pay off :->.

I’m a lucky girl!